I never thought of myself as someone who was waiting to be rescued, but I knew that I was pretty codependent when it came to my own happiness and self-worth. While I realized just how unhealthy a habit this was, I could never figure out how to stop myself from feeling this way. I felt like I couldn’t take care of myself on my own, like I was helpless and less of a person when I was alone. I felt like I needed a hero.
The Catalyst
One day, when watching a video about mental health, the person was talking about how no one was going to save you. The message was essentailly that you need to stop waiting for someone to come to your rescue.
At first, I felt offended and insulted because, to me, it sounded like what those words actually meant was that nobody cared. It felt like the message was to stop waiting for people to come and help you through your crap and do it yourself. I kept reading the comments, trying to find someone who expressed the same types of feelings that I was having, but everyone agreed with this person. Many commenters said that when they realized how true this was, it made them feel empowered. They were finally able to start caring for themselves.
Honestly, I felt really upset by this because it made me feel like I was beyond help.
It wasn’t until at least 6-7 months later that I realized why this concept bothered me so much.
And you know why? It was the wording.
Yup! It was because the wording wasn’t computing to me. Here’s what I realized: It’s not that no one is going to save you, it’s that no one can save you.
People Are Mirrors
The word “going” comes with the belief that people have the ability, but no intention, to save us. It implies a lack of caring, which simply isn’t true. If we switch from “going” to “can”, we might start to better understand that no one has the ability to make us feel a certain way. The reason we feel certain feelings when uncomfortable situations or people arise is because we get triggered. Our emotions show up and start telling us what they think is happening. It’s not necessarily the truth, but it’s up to us to practice recognition and understanding when this happens.
Here’s what we need to remember: nobody can make us feel a certain way because they’re not in our heads. When we get triggered and start to feel strong emotions, it’s because something in us becomes reactive. We need to keep in mind that we are responsible for ourselves. At the same time, we need to believe that people still care, because they do.
No one likes watching the people they care about struggle with their mental health. They want to see you happy and successful, whatever that looks like for you! Oftentimes, people just don’t know how to help. What we have to understand is that the only person who is able to do all the hard work is us.
Just as people can’t make us feel negative emotions, people can’t make us feel positive ones, either. When we have areas in our lives that we want to change, we have to do that for ourselves. We need to be our own heroes.
Does that suck? Yeah, it does, because it means we have to work harder to give ourselves what we need. But here’s the thing, that’s not new.
Be Your Own Hero
At the end of the day, the only person we’re guaranteed to be with for our whole lives is ourselves. You have to be the person who picks you up when you’re down. The person who gives you something to look forward to in life. Be the person who takes care of you and gives you what you need, both physically and emotionally.
Be your own hero!
As cheesy as it sounds, it’s all true. While other people do care and want to help you, they can only do so much. So don’t be afraid to ask for help or support, and try to learn more about what you can do for yourself. The people who matter will be there every step of the way to lend a helping hand or two. What you have to remember is that the only legs that are able to carry you to greater places are your own.
Once you understand and come to peace with that, that’s when the real magic starts to happen.
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